Tell me where to go

it's still so fresh in my memory.

four years ago, i am with my father watching news. my father asked me. "ano bang gusto mong maging trabaho pagkagraduate mo?"

i stared at the TV... Julius Babao is reporting live from New York about the September 11 terrorist attack. then i answered, "a reporter".

my father nodded, stared at the TV and was silent the whole time. i never knew what he meant with his reaction or what he have thought about my answer since then.

the next thing i knew is that i'm taking my entrance exam in la salle dasma.

i've got my top three choices of courses that i wanted to take in my application form.

1. AB Communication
2. Broadcast Journalism
3. i can't hardly remember

i choose communication as my top choice for the reason that it is more general and has no specification. my idea is, you can't be so sure that if you've taken broadcast journalism you'll be a broadcast journalist. and so i've taken something that is more general, something that can put me anywhere as long as there is communication.

soon.. i've passed the entrance exam.. got my first choice! followed by an interview in communication arts department that i also passed.

me and my childhood friend anna who's with me along the way of applying, taking exams, passing requirements and finally enrolling.. found ourselves rejoicing as the man in the counter told us that we can already pay in the counter to enroll our subjects of our chosen course.

"yes! magkaklase tayo!" said anna.

"same section tayo?" i asked.

only to find out that we have different course codes. we've taken different courses.

"mag broadcast journalism ka na lang.. that's the same with communication.. wala naman masyadong difference.." anna told me.

then a bubble thought popped in my head. if anna and i were classmates.. it'll be more easier to adjust into college life coz you've already got someone you know.

another bubble thought popped in my head. anyway all you wanted is to be a reporter? right?

and so at the very last minute. right away i made a decision, without even thinking twice. i changed my course. i enrolled myself to broadcast journalism.

soon college life began. filled with unfamiliar people around me. culture shocked with their different attitudes and behaviors. finding ways how to get along with them. and questioning myself, did i made the right decision?

unsure with the path i've taken and being not happy and discontented with my performance in the class, i doubted myself if i am capable to continue the path that i took. soon, i was convinced that broadcast journalism is not for me. after all, im very timid, quiet and soft spoken... who would think that i can be a broadcaster? the next thing is, i'm holding my ceredentials and getting my clearance signed, planning to transfer into another universities to take a different course. that time i was planning to take up, psychology, for no reason at all. but since my grades are low, universities, such as St. Paul told me that i have to repeat 1st year college because none of my grades will be credited. i've also tried other colleges, they told me the same thing. i was hesitant, tuition fee is so expensive and i just can't put all efforts and money to trash. i can't agree to take the same minor and unrelated subjects again. i have no choice but to stay with the university that i'm into and just shift to communication arts. only to find out that there is a grade quota in shifting to comm arts. my move failed again and my only choice is to take a different course, psychology. for no reason again. well, i can be an HR.

i still can remember how the associate widened her eye and shouted at me as i told her the reason why i wanted to shift my course.

"because your not enjoying??? you are not excelling??? how can you say that??? all your subjects are still minor... and why would you take psychology??? you don't even want that course. think first. your making a major mistake. your resons aren't just reasonable."

and so i was left with no choice but to continue the path that i first chose. i have tried to get out of this path but is seems that something is hindering. a thought came in that maybe, God won't allow because maybe i am made to be here. i suddenly remembered the day when im supposed to take comm art but decided to take broadcast journ instead. the move just come without even thinking twice. and i felt so sure that what im doing is right. ok. lets deal with it.

college life goes on. attending classes. photo copying handouts. reading. answering exams. later on when i get to my higher years, studying let us experience a little bit of the profession we have to deal with. and soon, i've found myself having fun. soon, i've found myself excelling. im so thankful to our associate dean and to all the hindrances that came along, im made to be here.

and so we found ourselves dealing with eye bags and pimples for staying late, making news,writing news scripts for radio and television, writing news for news paper, discussing current issues in politics, current events.. blah.. blah.. and producing our own make believe TV ad radio shows.

time moves fast. so fast that i just found myself right now writing this blog, looking back four years from now.

but now that i'm facing reality... i've finished my college degree of bachelor of arts of broadcast journalism and currently unemployed. i know what i want to be. and now my problem is how to be that someone. freeze hiring in network station. tight competition. only the best of the bests win. only few gets the chance. you'll start small unsure whether you can make it big. but im not losing hope.

i'm a bummer for almost 2 months, still waiting for a chance to get into any television station. i often complain that i'm getting really bored at home plus im finding it hard to sleep at night.

my brother told me.. "magtrabaho ka na kasi".

i didn't know but to me it sounded like... "mag-call center ka na lang kasi".

but like i said, im not losing hope. not now. not yet. and i hope that before all hope is gone, a chance will come along.